9 - Dance Ten, Looks Three (well, more like Looks Nine, Script Three)Shanek

Shane Acker's 9 came out, the story of ragdolls negotiating a post-Apocalyptic land and trying to avoid machine creatures bent on their destruction. The previews were amazing, full of incredible visuals. Sadly, the movie was all style no substance. No large surprise, being that it was produced by Tim Burton and Timur Bekmembatov.

9 OUT OF 10 SPOILERS BELOW

There's almost nothing to 9's script. It tells the story of ragdoll 9, who awakens in a post-Apocalytpic world. He finds others like himself, led by the fearful 1. Through some mistakes, 9 causes the capture of multiple other ragdolls and the reawakening of a giant evil machine. Eventually, he leads the ragdolls to overcome the machine.

Again, the visuals on the movie are awesome. The world is sufficiently disastrous and the residual iconography and flashbacks give a cool, retro-fascist vibe. The ragdolls move like real people and the monsters, all hybrids of ragdoll/bones/machinery are truly creepy.

Here's why the story doesn't really work.

1) It's far too simple. There's no subtlety or complexity. It's just a series of -- hey, we need to go here and do this. There aren't really even any complications. Just obstacles that are overcome.

2) The world doesn't make sense when you think about it. Why does a scientist imbue bits of his soul into ragdolls? And bits of his soul into the evil computer? Why not make more machines to fight the machine? Why do we care if the ragdolls survive? Do the bits of his soul ensure the survival of humanity? I'm not sure. All I know is at the end, some glowy soul-rain came down after the ragdoll-souls were released from the machine. That means what exactly?

Similarly, how do the ragdolls work? They don't have blood or bones. Yet they seem afraid of falling from heights. Why? Presumably they'd just smack into the ground and get up and be okay. The only thing that kills them is having their souls sucked out by the machine. So the rest of the sequences don't have much jeopardy to them because their "lives" aren't at stake.

3) 9 seems like an idiot. The whole movie pretty much revolves around him trying to undo the awakening of the great machine creature. Which for some reason he does. AFTER WITNESSING A MONSTER TRYING TO PUSH A SYMBOL INTO A DEVICE. This is perhaps the dumbest move of all time. In fact, after he does it, two of the other ragdolls ask him variations of "What were you thinking?" I don't know. Because it's a really stupid move. So trying to undo it doesn't seem heroic so much as a necessity, being that it was a move born of illogic/stupidity.

4) A lot of the tasks undertaken are far too easy. 9 and crew are able to trash the machine creature by using an old artillery piece (which is odd, since the machines were able to exterminate all of humanity, and humanity was incredibly well-armed) and getting the souls out of the machine just requires finding the symbol and pressing some buttons on it like a game of Simon. If that was the case, how did humanity lose the war in the first place?

Someday, someone will make an adult animated film that matches top-notch visuals with an incredible story. Well, someone who's not Japanese will make it. They've been doing those kinds of films for years.