EAGLE EYE - Half-Blind

I'm working on a techno-thriller, and I never saw EAGLE EYE. Wanting to make sure I didn't repeat anything they did (it was a pretty big movie) and wanting to see it to boot, I finally rented it.

SPOILERS FOLLOW YOU BELOW





















EE has a truly great premise -- a 20-something loser suddenly finds $750,000 in his bank account, a room full of guns, military schematics, and bomb-making material, and gets a call from a mysterious woman telling him the FBI is about to arrest him. The loser, Jerry, doesn't listen and gets arrested. But the mysterious woman -- seemingly all-seeing and all-powerful -- contrives to break him out of custody with a crane and directs him on a series of errands, all the while the FBI and Air Force agents are hot on his tail. Meanwhile, a single mother finds herself in the same boat as the mysterious woman threatens her with the death of her son (who's on a field trip).

Okay. Great start. And we've got a character who hates authority and can't follow through on anything, so he's the worst guy to finish this task.

The film pretty much falls apart once it reveals what's going on, however. Turns out that:

• There's a Department of Defense computer Artificial Intelligence tasked with analyzing data and making decisions


• It's tied into pretty much every computer system (surveillance cameras, power grid, traffic lights, cell phones, etc.) imaginable


• It went rogue and wants to wipe out the entire US government minus the Secretary of Defense


• Jerry's twin brother worked on the project and put a voice lock keyed to his DNA on the computer so it can't go apeshit and kill everyone -- the computer needs Jerry to undo it


• It's plotting to decaptiate the US government by using a crystalline explosive cut into a necklace gem


• AND a frequency detonator stuck in the son's trumpet reed and keyed to vibrate when he hits the high "F" in "The Star Spangled Banner"

Um, okay. Here's the various problems with that.

One -- doesn't make any sense. Assuming we had the technological capability for the AI to exist and be tied into the systems it's tied into, the AI is making really stupid decisions. In the film, the computer recommends not killing a terrorist because it's not sure it really is the terrorist and there could be significant collateral damage. Turns out the computer was right, we blow up the wrong guy and terrorists around the world blow up Americans in response. But the computer decides the way to end this is by killing everyone in the US leadership except the SecDef. Nevermind that: A) This is extremely faulty logic in general B) Terrorists aren't apt to stop blowing folks up because a computer killed the leadership C) Why would the computer spare the SecDef (who tried to do what the computer recommended) but kill literally dozens of other cabinet officers below the President who presumably had no part in the decision? I doubt the Secretary of Transportation or Education had much of an opinion either way on whether we should try to take out an Afghani warlord.

I suppose the film could've explained this in some way if it wanted to -- like the computer blew a chip that regulated logic, or it was programmed by a crazy arch-conservative wackjob to do this kind of thing in the first place. As is though, it's nonsensical.

Two - The computer's plan is needlessly complicated (and stupid when you think about it). The computer really needs to do two things. One, get Jerry to it so he can log in and take off the voice block preventing it from activating its mission to kill the US leadership. Two -- kill the US leadership. The film makes a big point of having the computer point out Jerry's antisocial tendencies and problems with authority; it tells him the only way to motivate him is through coercion. But why make Jerry go all over the country, fake that he's a terrorist, put him in the custody of the FBI (who eventually help stop the computer solely because they're investigating Jerry), and have him do dozens of things including stealing experimental drugs? Why not threaten Jerry by killing a couple of close people, then get him right to the Pentagon where he can remove the voice block? The computer's basically omnipotent and can get anyone it wants to comply by threatening them with death or the death of loved ones. It doesn't need all this other b.s. The b.s. helps make the movie exciting. But it doesn't hold up to any scrutiny. And the computer could easily have called in an airline ticket for Jerry and a visitor's pass and had someone escort him down to its mainframe.

On the same note -- why does the computer go through this elaborate process to get hex crystal/detonator/Star Spangled Banner going to kill everyone? We've seen it kill through traffic accidents and power lines. And it can track thousands of people simultaneously. So just find where the leadership is in separate locations and have separate "accidents." Or, much like it can take over subway cars, cranes, and jets -- do that to something with missiles and just blow everyone up.

INDIANA JONES - 18 Years for This?

I'm a huge Indiana Jones fan.  The first movie is one of the great action films of all time, and the rest, for all their flaws, are eminently enjoyable.  Which is why the last movie was so disappointing.  It was a popcorn movie, but I expected better from everyone involved, especially since it was so long between movies.  If we're going to wait 18 years and go out with one more movie, this was it?

I'm not even going to nitpick some of the goofy stuff, like the gophers.  I'll let them go.   The script had several major problems.

SPOILERS HO!!!!

One, the setup is clunky.  Indy's in trouble.  There are Russians after alien corpses.  Indy escapes the Russkies.  The government fires him from his university job.  He goes looking for the skull with his son.  He's not sure if he should return it where he found it or bring it to the lost city.  Blah blah blah.  Jeez.  That's confusing.  How about this instead?

You open with the current setpieces (Area 51 and the atomic bomb test) as Indy evades the Russians.  But the baddies grab the crystal skull from Area 51.  The FBI comes to Indy -- there are 13 crystal skulls.  The Russians have 12 -- if they get the last one, they get the power of the skulls; it's like the Ark on crack.  They'd take over the world.  Indy says -- so you need my help?  They say yeah, point us where the last one is, we're gonna go get it.  Without you.  You're too old.  And then Indy hooks up with Indy, Jr. and goes looking for the final skull to save Professor So-and-So and the world.  And has difficulty pulling off the tasks by himself because he is too old.  He has to rely on Mutt (really, that's what you named him?) to help him out.  It's a much cleaner setup, and it establishes a problem for Indy -- how can he save the world when he's getting on in years?  It also intertwines a minor arc for Mutt -- how he goes from being a rebellious punk to a hero taking direction from Indiana Jones.  You have some conflict built in -- Indy and Mutt butting heads over giving/taking orders, Mutt and Indy's whole relationship changing when they realize they're father and son, etc.  All of which is better than what played out onscreen.

Other major flaws include the double-agenting of Ray Winstone, which matters not at all in the film except for which Jeep he happens to be riding in; the fact that Karen Allen has nothing to do other than to get all misty-eyed when Indy pays attention to her; and that nobody even bothered to give an arc to Indy, Jr.   So there's no emotional journey for anyone in the film, just chasing around and some action setpieces leading up to a murkily defined climax.

Throw in the most thoroughly unimpressive bad guy in the series and the fact that the ending manages to rip off both RAIDERS (in that Indy does nothing and the bad guy's head catches on fire; although in RAIDERS, it was at least novel and Indy proved he knew what he was doing by averting his eyes) and LAST CRUSADE (in that Ray Winstone greedily grabs for gold while a pyramid falls on his head) and you've got a movie that's instantly forgettable.

Obviously Steven Spielberg can direct, and David Koepp has writtten some of the best genre films out there, including SPIDER-MAN.  So it's hard to understand why we got the movie we did.

Here's hoping Indy 5 is better.